I went to the doctor the day before yesterday and saw both the optometrist and my regular doctor. The optometrist said I need a new prescription (which I already knew) and my regular doctor noted that I'd lost five pounds over the holidays, which I didn't know. I had a good idea, given that I lost my appetite almost entirely during December, for reasons noted in previous posts. She congratulated me because apparently the average American GAINS seven pounds over the holidays.
I came home feeling smug.
It didn't last long, though, because the depression keeps creeping in, just when I think I'm making inroads. I've been trying to keep my New Year's resolution to lose weight and write, every day, even if it's only a little bit. I'm doing okay with the diet, but I keep second-guessing myself on the writing part.
I've been visiting some writer's blogs and websites a lot lately, and the talent in some of these folks is transcendent. My writing is positively pedestrian in comparison. I read recently on another blog that most editors, publishers and serious writers view blogs as nothing more than Internet diaries. When I do sit down and write, after I review what I've written I inevitably either think it's pompous or it sounds more like technical writing than anything. I don't have the graceful, elegant prose that some writers I can name (who, by the way, DO blog.) (Here's to you, Orion!)
I have a few strategies for focusing on my goals and ignoring second-guessing myself. This morning I wrote down what my immediate goals for today were, and how I was going to focus on those goals and avoid listening to the doubts that always plague me. I've written a couple of things today (one was an article for the local paper, and the other a half chapter of the novel I've got going) and when I got bogged down in critiquing myself, my husband and I went out to dinner. Doing dinner silenced the negative thoughts for a while and allowed me to come home and begin again with a fresh outlook.
So, let's review:
Diet: about 1100 calories. Exercise: practically none. Writing: about 500 words.
See? I DID accomplish something today! (Now I'm going to reward myself by finishing the new novel by Dana Stabenow.)
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2 comments:
Sorry about your Polly. I've been there, so I can relate. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I've flagged yours and will be back!
When I first started to take my writing seriously, I just knew that I was going to write a book that absolutely everyone would want to read. I'd get rich and, of course, famous... maybe even a guest appearance on Oprah. I wrote and wrote (this was before my blog, a little before) and still have about a third of a book written. It's been sitting unfinished for a couple of years now.
And for good reason. My motivation was all screwed up. I was writing for the wrong reasons. That didn't nullify the quality of my writing - it was (is) pretty good. But I was falling short when comparing my writing with others' - other professionals.
As it turns out, writing for money is plenty motivational. I wrote a lot and I wrote it pretty fast. And again, I think the quality of the writing was there, but the sincerity wasn't. I believe it comes through even in quality writing. I've read what I considered to be pretty good word-smithing only to end up with a disingenuous taste in my mouth.
The point is that you should be enjoying the adventure - it's a process. Hopefully you're not counting the money already (I was), be even if it is about the money, I believe it has to be about something more as well.
Don't get discouraged, just keep writing,
Mike
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