They say there are five stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. It's been three weeks but I think I'm still stuck in the first stage, because I keep looking around for my hound-dog girl. I've had dogs before - four others, besides Polly - but I don't think I ever had a bond with an animal (or a human being, except for my mother) like the one Polly and I shared. Sometimes she seemed to read my mind.I've met other people who were totally devastated by the loss of a pet (my sister was one) and, I'm ashamed to say I've been inclined to think, "Get over it already - it was just a dog!" Now I'm on the inside looking out.
I can't really compare her death to anyone but my mom's, because no one has ever accepted me totally and unconditionally as she did. The two animals we still have - the 20-year-old dog and year-old cat - adore my husband and only want me around when the food and water bowls are empty. Polly was a daddy's girl too, but she divided her time between us equally. In the mornings, she was my husband's girl - at night, she was my buddy. She'd lay at my feet when I was on the computer and by my side at bedtime. I'm the one that walked her and played with her, and near the end, when she was suffering, I'd massage her all over to try to take some of the pain away. The day she didn't want my touch anymore, I knew it was time to let her go.
Who am I kidding? I still can't let her go.
I know no other dog can replace her - she was one-of-a-kind - but I feel that getting a new puppy might distract me a little. All dogs have different characteristics and different personality traits, and getting to know a new dog would be good for me, I think. My husband won't hear of it. He just says, "I don't want another dog." He won't even discuss it. I've been surfing Petfinder.com and there are hundreds of shelter puppies out there who are going to end up being euthanized because no one wants them.
What really irritates me is that I'm the one who would pay all the fees and vet's bills, and I'm the one who would care for it. We live entirely on my income, but his foot is firmly down and he won't stand for it.
He loved Polly too, and he's 14 years older than I am, so he's decided that's it for him, no more pets, ever.... so now I'm in despair of ever feeling better.
If anyone reads this, you have my permission to disregard this post. I'm usually a cheerful person and can snap out of a depression pretty quickly, so I know it will come eventually. I just needed to rant.
Thanks for listening!
2 comments:
Girlfriend, you can say whatever you want on your blog - and even though you don't need my approval, I say go ahead and stay in whatever stage of grief you are in for as long as you need to.
No dog can every replace your Polly (or my Scooter) but that does not mean you can't love another one. I think you should get puppy. I hope your husband changes his mind!
You need to realize that your husband is not the boss of you (yeah I know...)
We ALL hold the key to our own destiny.
Each time when one of my pets dies a little part of me dies too. I am devastated. There is no comparison.
Your post is beautifully written.
Everybody needs their muse.
GET A PUPPY.
You have my permission.
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